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If you’re new to the world of therapy or even if you’ve never even googled for a therapist before, you’d probably assume that there’s a lot of information to absorb and understand about it. Well, you’re right.
You scroll through profiles, wonder who’s a good match, and hope you won’t be traumatised by the end of it. But if you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community, the search gets even trickier. Not only are you looking for someone who is good, trustworthy, and doesn’t cost as much as a short-haul flight, you’d also likely be wondering: Will this therapist understand me? Will they judge me? Will I have to explain my entire identity from the time I realised I was sexually confused?
That’s where LGBTQ-affirming therapy comes in. It’s not necessarily a separate type of therapy technique per se, but rather, it’s a therapeutic approach that centres the lived experiences, emotions, and needs of LGBTQ+ individuals so advice and feedback is more streamlined. But is the difference between conventional therapy and LGBTQ-affirming therapy anyway?
Below, we break down five key differences between LGBTQ-affirming therapy and general therapy, so you can better understand what makes this approach so important, especially in Singapore, where not only cultural nuances but also society and family expectations shape our experience more than we realise.
1. Affirming Therapy Doesn’t Focus on Your Identity As A “Problem to Solve”
A major difference lies in the underlying attitude of the therapy approach. General therapy is meant to be neutral. But neutrality doesn’t always mean safety. Some therapists, especially those not trained or experienced with LGBTQ+ profiles and issues, may avoid talking about sexuality or gender identity, as they may treat it as taboo or an overly-sensitive topic. Some may even assume your identity is the source of your distress — which can feel invalidating or patronising.
On the contrary, LGBTQ-affirming therapy supports and provides an open space which celebrates your identity. Queerness should be acknowledged, respected, and understood as an important part of who you are. As a general rule of thumb, a good affirming therapist should never assume your LGBTQ identity as a “phase”, try to guide you toward “fixing” or suppressing it, recognises the resilience, creativity, and authenticity that LGBTQ individuals embody and helps you explore identity questions without judgment or agenda. If any therapist tries to project their beliefs onto you, that’s your clear red flag to “run”!
For those who grew up in conservative households in Singapore or went through school systems where LGBTQ representation was nearly non-existent, simply having a therapist who doesn’t flinch at the mention of your sexuality can be unbelievably healing.
2. Affirming Therapy Recognises & Understands The Stress On LGBTQ People
One thing general therapists may not always consider is minority stress — the ongoing psychological strain LGBTQ people face simply because of societal attitudes, stereotypes, or discrimination. In Singapore, this can show up in many ways, such as feeling like you need to “hide” who you are at work, worrying about what relatives or friends say about your relationship status, navigating racial or sexual preferences in the dating scene, and not having the same legal rights as straight people in Singapore.
But that doesn’t necessarily mean you need a LGBTQ therapist for them to relate to your concerns and worries. An LGBTQ-affirming therapist willing to make the effort to research and understand their clients better will be able to actively recognise these factors and how they affect your mental health. Instead of focusing solely on symptoms like anxiety or burnout, they might even be able to explore the root causes of any form of unhappiness, which could tie back to troubles with gender identity or queer-related issues.
Therapists who go an extra mile would even be able to understand the cultural context here in Singapore to add another layer of understanding of clients. Factors such as filial piety, the pressure to get married and the lack of legal recognition for queer relationships are all common factors that affect the LGBTQ community daily.
3. Affirming Therapy Creates A Safe Space Where You Don’t Need To “Edit” Yourself
Imagine this: you’re a queer person with a general therapist, but you’re needing to explain your pronouns, sexual orientation or unconventional relationship status with your partner. By the time you introduce who you are to them, you’re emotionally drained and don’t feel capable to further the conversation.
That doesn’t make for an effective therapy session, and for many LGBTQ people who don’t find the right therapist, therapy can result in feeling a bit like having an awkward conversation with a new colleague — you’re not sure what to say, what the reaction will be, or whether something will be misunderstood.
I’ve personally heard of my gay friend who spoke about his experience in therapy, only to be met with responses such as “Just try dating a girl, it’s easier and it will help solve your housing issues”. Needless to say, my friend never returned to that therapist.
To distinguish the two approaches more clearly, just remember that in LGBTQ-affirming therapy, you don’t have to translate your identity, censor your words, or minimise your lived experience whatsoever. You should have the freedom to say things like “my partner and I are thinking of moving in together”, “I think I might be non-binary”, or even “finding a partner on Grindr is so exhausting”.
While these aren’t usually what you’d tell someone openly, a queer-affirming therapist will understand the context without you having to elaborate or share a full lecture on LGBTQ culture.
Essentially, the sense of safety without explanation is one of the most healing components of affirming therapy.
4. Affirming Therapy Integrates a Deeper Understanding of LGBTQ Relationships And Community Dynamics
Sure, general therapy may be great at exploring emotions, communication styles, or unpacking childhood trauma. But LGBTQ-affirming therapy layers on a deeper understanding of many other factors specific to being queer. Such as:
- Chosen family VS biological family
- Dynamics in queer relationships
- Cultural invisibility and internalised shame
- The role of community spaces (bars, clubs and online groups)
- Dating challenges common in LGBTQ relationships such as open relationships and being ghosted
- Identity development and self-acceptance
- Safety concerns, including outing and discrimination
Take for example you and your partner are facing an issue. A general therapist may look at your relationship conflict and think, “Ah, typical communication issues.” But an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist might notice something more nuanced or underlying. Even topics like breakups can look different to a general therapist and affirming therapy. Affirming therapists get this because they understand the layers and can offer guidance that is empathetic, relevant, and realistic.
5. Affirming Therapists Are Trained in LGBTQ Issues
Many general therapists claim they are “LGBTQ-friendly,” but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are trained in LGBTQ issues. In fact, some therapists in Singapore have limited exposure to LGBTQ topics during their formal education. Being open about LGBTQ issues and knowing exactly the right advice to share to clients are two very different things.
To always protect emotional and mental safety, LGBTQ+ clients should engage affirming therapists who have typically undergone additional training in areas and topics such as identity development models, gender affirmation approaches, trauma-informed practices, coming out journeys navigating religious or cultural conflicts, internalised homophobia or transphobia, and understanding non-binary, trans and gender-diverse experiences.
Beyond the therapy landscape, affirming therapists should also stay updated with what’s going on within society, social media and pop culture, so as to understand the relevancy of current affairs to the community. It could even be knowing what’s the latest queer TV show to binge, or referencing the latest gay slangs – all of which can ease a client to be more themselves.
Research alone is important for therapists, but those that actively go the extra mile will make a world of difference for LGBTQ clients, especially in a multicultural society like Singapore.
It’s Important To Identify Affirming Therapists For LGBTQ+ Folks
At the end of the day, the right therapist should feel like someone who genuinely gets you. And LGBTQ-affirming therapy is one powerful way to make that happen.
If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual identity or coming out, A Space Between provides a safe environment for support with queer-friendly counsellors. Besides being a resource for help or navigating the challenge of coming out, A Space Between also shares advice on therapy and LGBTQ+ issues through online blog articles, as well as holding community events.
