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As each year progresses, the topic of therapy is becoming increasingly less taboo. More people, especially youths, are openly sharing about their mental health struggles on social media, as well as among friends and their community. And this includes LGBTQ+ folks.
For the queer community in Singapore, unpacking challenges and trauma are often shaped by factors like identity, culture, family expectations, work, and relationships. And while the LGBTQ community here is becoming more visible and accepted, it doesn’t mean everything is smooth sailing. Many queer people still navigate complicated emotional situations of coming out, dealing with internalised shame, and figuring out complex relationships.
Below are some of the most common reasons LGBTQ people seek therapy for, along with personal sharing from some brave individuals who actively seek assistance in their mental health journey.
1. To Understand Their Identity Without Judgment
Probably the most common reason why LGBTQ folks seek therapy is to better understand themselves without judgement. Because many grow up without the language or environment to explore their identity safely, therapy offers a rare space — where everything can be discussed freely and at its own pace without someone dictating a “right” way of living.
For many, this journey is less about “figuring out the label” and more about feeling grounded and understood. The world’s landscape is ever-changing, but plenty of people still wrestle with uncertainty or fear around sharing who they are, or what lifestyle they identify with. Therapy becomes a place to sort through that with someone who won’t impose expectations.
A personal friend of mine, 32-year old Marvin*, started therapy a year ago. He shared, “I grew up thinking something was wrong with me for liking guys instead of girls. Therapy helped me realise it wasn’t me — it was the environment. Growing up without a dad, I realised I craved a male figure in my life. Therapy helped me realise that being gay is really a mix of both nature and nurture for me. That shift changed everything and helped me understand myself a lot better”.
2. To Heal From Family Rejection Or Strained Relationships
Beyond self-understanding, many LGBTQ people who seek out therapy are also in need of fixing familial bonds. Well, family approval carries extra weight in Asian cultures, and Singapore is no exception. You probably know a friend whose parents have high expectations, and are not open to the concept of their children identifying as anything other than straight.
When someone comes out or is outed, reactions can range from warm acceptance to awkward avoidance, or outright rejection. Even when families aren’t harsh, the silence or non-acceptance can be extremely hurtful to the individual.
Marvin further shares with regards to this point: “My mother didn’t say it was wrong to be gay, but when I came out to her, she started to treat me like a stranger and suddenly everything was formal. Therapy helped me grieve the relationship I previously had with her.” Thankfully, these days are better for Marvin and his mum. After starting therapy and moving out, Marvin developed the courage to introduce his partner to her, and they are now on closer terms and taking their relationship one step at a time.
However, not everyone is as fortunate as Marvin. There are many out there who feel like they cannot come out to their family and friends, or have been ostracised for having done so. For these people, healing doesn’t always mean reconciling with family; sometimes it means carving out their own chosen family.
3. To Navigate Mental Health Struggles
Studies have shown that LGBTQ individuals experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, trauma, and burnout — not because they’re more fragile, but because they live with what is known as minority stress. Think of it as constantly being “on guard” to society and surroundings.
You can’t blame them for feeling as such as well. Minority stress shows up in quiet ways: checking if a space is safe before being yourself, worrying about colleagues’ reactions to your identity, managing stereotypes, or even feeling the pressure of correcting ignorance when the community is being misjudged or misunderstood. It can be difficult to speak up and defend the community, without fearing about being prejudiced against as a consequence.
4. To Build Healthier Relationships And Boundaries
Relationships in the LGBTQ community are not as straightforward as heteronormative ones. Simply because growing up, we are not conditioned with examples that reflect how a same-sex relationship should play out. Some experience their first same-gender relationship only in adulthood, long after habits, fears, and patterns have already been laid as foundation.
While pop culture and entertainment now have many more examples of the LGBTQ community and its people for the public to understand and relate to, many older folks did not have this guidance. My friends who are a lesbian couple, both in their late 20s, shared with me that they each had to consult for therapy in order to break out of a cycle of misunderstanding.
“Our fights weren’t even about the issue at hand. It was like years of not being able to talk about our sexuality openly had trained us to hide emotions. Therapy taught us how to “argue” without hurting each other.”
They cited therapy for saving their relationship, as they now better understand the nuances and intricacies of communication in a same-sex relationship, and advocate it for other queer couples too.
5. To Find Empowerment Within Themselves
Even as Singapore becomes more inclusive, LGBTQ folks still encounter challenges: navigating housing policies, workplace remarks, healthcare biases, or social misconceptions. Therapy becomes an anchor, essentially a place to not only vent but also reclaim confidence.
A 33-year-old gay friend of mine once said “It’s tiring always being ‘the representation’. People expect me to be the walking Wikipedia for LGBTQ issues. But I don’t know everything. My therapist helped me understand that I don’t owe education to everyone.”
Therapy also helps many clients reclaim confidence and self-assuredness in themselves. Whether it’s simply learning to speak kindly to yourself after years of internal criticism or gaining the courage to challenge microaggressions at work, it makes a difference slowly but surely. At the end of the day, the most important thing is to live honestly and happily without boundaries or limitations.
Therapy Helps LGBTQ People In Many Ways
Therapy isn’t about “fixing” LGBTQ people at all and should never be confused with “conversion therapy”; it’s about supporting them in a world where navigating identity, expectations, and relationships can feel extra difficult. For many queer Singaporeans, therapy is the one place where they should feel safe and make sense of what they feel inside — without judgment, confusion, or unsolicited advice.
Whether someone is seeking clarity, healing, empowerment, emotional tools, or simply a safe space to breathe, therapy can be life-changing. And the most comforting thing? You don’t need a crisis to start. Sometimes the most powerful reason to go for therapy is simply wanting to understand yourself a little better.
If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual identity or coming out, A Space Between provides a safe environment for support with queer-friendly counsellors. Besides being a resource for help or navigating the challenge of coming out, A Space Between also shares advice on therapy and LGBTQ+ issues through online blog articles, as well as holding community events.
