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There comes a point in many LGBTQ+ individual’s life that brings about a ton of questions and self doubt – coming out to friends and family. While confessing your sexuality to your nearest and dearest can be intimidating, there is another group of people whereby coming out to them yields different consequences. Yup, I’m talking about work colleagues.
Being 100% yourself with co-workers can be challenging. In the first place, are you even friends? Or just a team of strangers who trauma dump about deadlines and clients with each other over lunch? But having a supportive community at work is also vital to thrive, and if you deem your colleagues important enough to be part of this process, perhaps coming clean with them is the next step in both your working and personal relationship.
Whether you consider your colleagues your second “family” or simply co-workers, sharing personal stories with them is inevitable, and that includes coming out. As scary as it might be, it can also be empowering to come forth as your true self. In Singapore, where cultural dynamics and workplace etiquette can vary widely, it’s essential to approach this process with thoughtfulness and care. While there’s no one-size-fits-all method, this guide offers practical steps to help you navigate coming out to your colleagues with confidence and ease.
1. Check for non-discriminatory policies
Okay, before you even utter your same-sex celebrity crush in a work setting, it’s best to play it safe. You wouldn’t want to end up being harassed or worse, fired on the grounds of your sexuality. Do a little background research on your company’s policies to see if they include protection for sexual orientation and gender identity. Majority of companies in Singapore should already emphasise workplace discrimination law for racial and religious matters, but sexual orientation is not always covered.
Multinational corporations (MNCs) tend to more explicitly adopt on-discriminatory policies that include protections for sexual orientation and gender identity, as compared to small and medium-sized enterprises (SMEs).
Why it’s so important for policies is that not only do they provide legal protection, but it also reflects on your company’s stance on creating a safe and inclusive environment. Your HR department would be another source of assurance if you need some – feel free to inquire with them on what are the non-discriminatory policies your company has.
Even if such policies don’t exist, it doesn’t mean you absolutely cannot come out at work. It just means that you’d need to be mentally prepared in the unfortunate event that it affects your job security.
2. Consider your company’s culture and environment
Another factor you might want to take into consideration is your company’s culture. Are you a civil servant working for the government? Is your workplace culture traditional or open-minded? Are your colleagues and supervisors largely millennials or Gen Zs or… boomers? These are all important questions to consider before you come clean about your sexuality.
In more traditional or conservative environments, such as in certain government-linked companies or older industries, you might find that attitudes toward LGBTQ+ issues are more reserved. In such cases, it might be worth testing the waters before coming out. For example, you could bring up discussion topics like 377A or drag queens during lunch conversations, and gauge reactions to see how your colleagues respond to them. If they share pro-LGBT sentiments or are in favour of the LGBTQ+ community, that’s your green light that they would generally be okay with you coming out to them.
Additionally, if you work in a younger, more dynamic industry like tech or media, the culture might be more open and accepting. Many startups and creative agencies in Singapore actively promote diversity and inclusion, making them more likely to have an environment where you can come out without fear of judgement.
It’s also worth considering your immediate team or department. Even within a generally inclusive company, individual teams can have their own micro-cultures. If your team is known for being open-minded and supportive, that’s a good sign.
3. Identify who are your trusted colleagues
Coming out to an individual means you trust your confidante, and with that also comes sworn secrecy to protect your readiness with the rest of your colleagues and company. So that colleague that spills everyone else’s secrets and bad mouths them behind their back? Perhaps not the best person to trust your identity with.
One of the most comforting things about coming out at work is knowing that you have allies in your corner, so identifying who these people are can make the process smoother and less daunting.
Start with one or two colleagues whom you trust the most. These might be people you’ve bonded with over lunch, or those who have shown support in other areas of your life. Coming out to them first can provide a support system as you navigate the larger workplace environment and corporate structure.
Oh, and one important thing to note? In the context of Singapore’s multi-ethnic and multi-religious environment, it’s essential to be mindful of cultural and religious sensitivities too. Some colleagues might have religious beliefs that may not approve of a LGBTQ lifestyle, and while that doesn’t automatically mean they’ll be unsupportive, it’s something to consider when deciding whom to confide in.
Of course, you shouldn’t be in a hurry to have everyone know ASAP that you’re not straight. But starting with a small group of trustworthy colleagues and taking it step by step will help you gain the confidence you might need before being open with your sexual orientation on the day-to-day.
4. Bring up pop culture references
LGBTQ lifestyle is perhaps most easily referenced through pop culture references and humour, which could be your gateway to confessing to your colleagues. Discussing the latest music and movies during mealtimes will let you slip in a mention about queer celebrities, to see how your colleague reacts to it. Suggestions include Netflix shows like Heartstopper or Sex Education — both of which feature LGBTQ+ characters. A comment like, “I really related to that storyline,” can open the door to further conversation without feeling too heavy. Even Korean dramas, which are always a hot topic among Singaporeans, could be your starting point.
Alternatively, if there’s a public figure who has recently come out or an event like Pink Dot (Singapore’s annual LGBTQ+ rally) making headlines, you could bring these up in a lighthearted way. Mentioning that you attended Pink Dot, or expressing support for a celebrity who recently came out, can be a subtle way to let your colleagues know about your identity.
The key is to keep it casual and gauge the reactions of your colleagues. If they respond positively, it might be a good moment to share more about yourself. If the response is lukewarm or negative, you can choose to steer the conversation elsewhere.
5. Make sure you are ready first
Of course, the most important step before coming out is ensuring your readiness. Always remember that there’s no rush, and there’s no “right” time to come out either. All at your own pace. You should prioritise what you want, before answering to anyone. Even if a colleague prompts an “are you gay?” on you without warning, don’t feel compelled or obligated to tell them the truth if you’re not prepared for others to know.
Take time to reflect on why you want to share this part of your life with your colleagues as well. Are you looking for a deeper connection with them? Do you want to be more authentic in your daily interactions? Or are you hoping to foster a more inclusive environment at work? Understanding your motivations can help you approach the process with clarity.
It’s also essential to prepare yourself for different reactions. While you might hope for acceptance and support, it’s possible that not everyone will react positively. Consider how you’ll handle these situations and what support you might need from your HR department, friends or outside resources.
Coming out is a gradual process, not a one-off event
Coming out to colleagues at work is a significant and deeply personal step, and it’s one that should be approached with care, especially in a diverse and multicultural environment like Singapore. Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to come out — just what feels right for you. And whether you choose to come out today, tomorrow, or never, what matters most is that you’re true to yourself.
To find out more about workplace discrimination laws and policies, as well as LGBTQ+ support organisations, check out these links:
- Workplace Discrimnation Laws
- Tripartite Alliance for Fair and Progressive Employment Practices (TAFEP) – to report workplace harassment or discriminatory hiring
- AWARE Singapore – Workplace Harassment and Discrimination Advisory (WHDA)
If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual identity or coming out, A Space Between provides a safe environment for support with queer-friendly counsellors. Besides being a resource for help, A Space Between also shares advice on therapy and LGBTQ+ issues through online blog articles, as well as holding community events.
