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So you’ve finally made up your mind – through the ups and downs of finding yourself and discovering your sexual identity, you’ve decided to confide in a therapist for a listening ear. This decision is well-deserved for a pat on the back, but next comes the tricky part. Where do you even begin with finding the right therapist for your specific situation? Are there even LGBTQ-friendly therapists who won’t judge you and your inner thoughts?
The answer is a relieving “yes”. While there are plenty of open-minded therapists who will sit and speak with you, getting the right therapist is like finding the perfect puzzle piece. Firstly, there are plenty of factors to consider before making an appointment, and then further pointers which determine whether you continue with your therapist.
In this article, we speak to Denise Thong, a therapist at The Space Between, where she shares some considerations that you might not have thought of before, or even during, seeking professional help with a therapist.
Finding a suitable therapist for your needs
When seeking advice from a therapist as an LGBTQ+ individual, perhaps the most important factor is that they are queer-friendly to begin with. Unfortunately, not all therapists advertise themselves as LGBTQ+ friendly on their professional pages, and might require a clarification check via email or phone before scheduling an appointment.
Denise shares, “there are no courses out there that can make a therapist genuinely LGBTQ+ affirming, but a good sign could be a therapist who expresses a high level of openness and has friends who are from the LGBTQ+ community themselves”.
If establishing your sexuality is too overwhelming over a call or email, perhaps an introductory session would be better to break the ice. During this meeting to get acquainted with your potential therapist, Denise also encourages to “ask any questions you want. In fact, I encourage you to ask the most intrusive and controversial questions, and it is up to the therapist to decide how they want to respond.”
Examples provided include “Do you have any friends who are LGBTQ+?” or “What is your perception of LGBTQ+ people in the afterlife?” While raising such deep and personal questions at the first face-to-face meeting with someone new might seem daunting, they are important in order to get any suspicions out of the way and pave ahead for honest and safe therapy. If your therapist handles these questions maturely and objectively, then you can feel assured that you are in safe hands.
As for red flags to look out for when consulting a therapist who might not be too keen on LGBTQ+ topics? “Being too eager to ‘psycho-educate’ the client on the sinfulness of same sex attraction, not holding the space for client to share their experiences and fears, and being exaggeratedly eager to support same sex attraction” are some tell-tale signs according to Denise.
Navigating conversations with your therapist
Even if you’ve found an LGBTQ+ friendly therapist, there are other considerations to take into account during your sessions. A common one is broaching the topic of your gender identity or sexual orientation if you’re not fully ‘out’ yet, since many people are usually still confused, which resulted in therapy in the first place.
The best way to do so is simply by being honest and open. According to Denise, direct sharing, such as saying ”A part of me feels attracted to the same sex, a part of me still likes the opposite sex. I am not sure what I am. I am feeling very confused now.” establishes a clear communication process between you and your therapist. This would help the discussion be steered towards the right direction, and result in more successful outcomes.
Rest assured that your identity is protected as well. Denise shares that “therapists handle confidentiality for all clients” and you can “present the case under a pseudonym with details masked, so that you, as a client, are non identifiable”.
Another common concern from many during discussions about LGBTQ+ identity is how it overlaps with other topics such as race, culture, and religion. If you’re concerned about how this might make your therapist feel uncomfortable, know that you shouldn’t. “During therapy, it is more important for the client to feel safe to speak out about these issues to their therapist than for the therapist to express their personal views on these topics. A well-trained therapist is able to bracket his own prior conceptions and values to make space for the client to explore his values”, Denise shares.
Personal takeaways from LGBTQ+ related therapy
Another crucial factor when consulting a therapist is also knowing what you want to gain out of the sharing experience. Setting accurate expectations for yourself heading into therapy will be fulfilling.
As Denise explains, “therapy facilitates honesty towards oneself. A good therapy holds space for one to discover oneself. As to how many sessions it will take, it depends a lot on how long it takes for you to fully trust the therapist too”. “If your therapist can love you and care for your struggles regarding sexual orientation, others can too. Having a solid and trusting relationship with your therapist can be the first step towards learning to trust others as well”, she adds.
Perhaps these insights further solidify that therapy is truly a two-way street, so knowing your boundaries when it comes to therapy, as well as placing trust in a therapist you feel comfortable with, are extremely important yet powerful decisions. With a clear mind and the right expectations, your personal relationship with your therapist of choice can work magic in your self-discovery journey, enabling you to become the 100% best version of yourself in time to come.
If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual identity or coming out, A Space Between provides a safe environment for support with queer-friendly counsellors. Besides being a resource for help or navigating the challenge of coming out, A Space Between also shares advice on therapy and LGBTQ+ issues through online blog articles, as well as holding community events.
