5 Singaporeans Share Their Greatest Fears About Coming Out

Coming out as LGBTQ+ is a deeply personal journey, and for many, it’s a moment fraught with anxiety and uncertainty. In Singapore, where family expectations, societal norms, and cultural taboos play significant factors, coming out can feel extremely daunting, like stepping into uncharted territory.

While acceptance has grown in recent years, there are still fears surrounding rejection and misunderstanding. To shed light on this, we spoke to five Singaporeans who shared their biggest fears about coming out. Through their stories, hear why coming out is still a complicated milestone to navigate and how they overcame it.

*All names have been altered for privacy purposes. 

1. Disappointing Family Traditions

For Wei Ling, 28, coming out as a lesbian felt like a betrayal of her family’s expectations. Growing up in a traditional Chinese family, she is constantly reminded of her role in continuing the family line and eventually having children.

“My family has always been about legacy and continuing our traditions. I’m scared they’ll see me as a failure for not following the path they’ve set for me”, she shares. She’s hesitated for years regarding coming out to her parents, fearing she’d let them down. Until now, she still hasn’t confessed her sexuality to them, despite having a girlfriend of 2 and a half years already. “In Singapore, there’s so much emphasis on filial piety. I worried they’d see my identity as a rejection of everything they’ve given me.

2. Being Misunderstood

Arjun, a 23-year-old who identifies as bisexual and is dating another man, a bisexual man, often found himself caught between two worlds. On one hand, he felt the pressure of traditional Indian values. On the other, he faced skepticism about bisexuality from peers, both straight and queer.

He shares, “I’ve come out to some friends but not others. I fear that some of them will think it’s just a phase, or that I’ve been influenced by Western ideas. If they can’t even take me seriously, what less my parents?”. Arjun also cited the shock he faced when one confidante just regarded him as greedy and indecisive when he was confused between having feelings for his female classmate while having crushes on male celebrities. “I was taken aback by that response. Thankfully, other peers understand me and where I’m coming from, which has given me some confidence.” Currently, he’s working on telling his parents and relatives eventually. 

3. Missing Out On Career Opportunities

“What if being openly gay affects how people see me at work? Singapore’s corporate world can be so conservative”, laments Darren, 32. He’s not necessarily wrong. Work opportunities is one of the biggest concerns for LGBTQ people, and the reason why they prefer staying in the closet in a professional setting. 

Darren, a marketing executive, has always been careful about keeping his personal life private. In his field, networking and reputation are essential, and he’s worried that coming out might hinder his career growth, especially with his more traditional clients in government agencies. While Darren’s direct peers know about his personal life and even support and encourage him, he refrains from oversharing with his managers and superiors out of respect for the corporate hierarchy. Offering a piece of advice to others, he says: “even though companies say they’re inclusive, you can never be sure if your boss or colleagues truly are”. 

4. Fear of Losing Friends

As a university student, 21-year-old Hana values her friendships as everything. Coming out as pansexual meant risking those relationships, especially since some of her friends came from conservative backgrounds and cannot grasp the concept of what it means to be pansexual. “I’ve heard horror stories about people being ghosted or ostracized after coming out. I don’t want to lose the people I care about.”

Another fear? The potential awkwardness and distance that might arise. “What if they start treating me differently, even if they say they’re okay with it? I don’t want to have rumours spread about me and become gossip”, She’s only confided in a classmate who is gay after he came out to Hana first, and now they’re best friends navigating their youth and sexual orientations together. 

5. Being Judged By Society

For Marcus, a 41-year old teacher in a local secondary school, coming out as gay feels like opening himself up to public scrutiny. “I constantly worry about parents judging me, students gossiping, or even my career being at risk, if I were ever to come out. Singapore is such a small country lah. Once you come out, everyone seems to know your business.” 

He further expresses concerns that gossip is rife in his social life, which is why he rather keep his “secret” to himself in selected groups. “I’ve learned that I don’t owe everyone my story. I share it with people I trust, and that’s enough for now.”

Everybody Is Entitled To Coming Out At Their Own Pace

These stories highlight a common thread: fear of rejection, judgment, or loss. Coming out in Singapore often means navigating a complex web of cultural expectations, societal norms, and personal courage.

Despite the challenges, many LGBTQ+ Singaporeans find hope in the growing support systems available, from community groups like Oogachaga to inclusive events like Pink Dot. While fears don’t vanish overnight, every story of acceptance adds a little more light to the path for others.

Coming out is never a one-size-fits-all experience, and the fears surrounding it are deeply personal and often shaped by cultural context. In Singapore, these fears are amplified by a blend of Asian values, societal expectations, and the ever-present importance of family harmony.

Yet, as these five Singaporeans have shown, courage comes in many forms. Sometimes it’s about taking that first small step, like telling a close friend. Other times, it’s about carving out a space for yourself where acceptance might take time to grow.

The most important takeaway? Coming out is your story to tell, on your own terms, when you’re ready. And for anyone listening, the best thing you can do is approach it with an open heart and mind. Because in the end, love and understanding make all the difference.

If you or someone you know is exploring their journey with sexual identity or coming out, A Space Between provides a safe environment for support with queer-friendly counsellors. Besides being a resource for help or navigating the challenge of coming out, A Space Between also shares advice on therapy and LGBTQ+ issues through online blog articles, as well as holding community events.

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