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You’ve signed up for therapy to get to know yourself better and be stronger mentally. You get there within the four walls, speak to your therapist, but when reaching certain topics you find yourself holding back. Well, this happens more commonly than we realise.
Even though affirming-therapy is more common these days, and more people are actively exploring therapy, many people find themselves holding back on personal experiences and editing their stories mid-sentence. They tend to soften the details when it comes to heavy topics like sex, religion and taboo insecurities.
For a lot of clients, the hardest things to talk about aren’t the obvious struggles. It’s the stuff wrapped in shame and taboo – such as sexual history that feels “too much,” religious beliefs that clash with identity, and insecurities never said out loud because they’re afraid to be judged or misunderstood.
If you relate, and have always wondered how to approach difficult topics during therapy sessions, read ahead to find out what are some ways to bring up the things you’re scared to say, at your own pace.
1. Define The Fear, Not The Story
Perhaps one of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that you need to dive straight into the details. You don’t. In fact, one of the safest ways to begin is by naming the fear around the topic instead of the topic itself. This could be in the form of saying “There’s something I want to talk about, but I’m scared to be judged” or “I feel a lot of shame around my sexual history, and I don’t know how to bring it up”.
Affirming therapists should be trained to work with hesitation, discomfort, and guardedness. You don’t have to be scared about being scared. By just sharing how you feel, it gives your therapist a chance to slow things down, reassure you, and co-create safety with you instead of pushing forward too fast. Basically, you don’t need to be eloquent or elaborate about what you’re experiencing – you just need to be honest about where you’re stuck.
2. Remember That Affirming Therapy Is Not About Being “Good”
At the end of the day, we are only human, and whether we like it or not, we make “mistakes”, or don’t always make the wisest decisions in aspects of our lives. Many clients worry they’ll be judged not just for their experiences, but for their thoughts or choices. Especially around sex and religion.
Things like cheating on a partner, or resenting religious beliefs might be hard to talk about with your therapist. It’s easy to assume that your therapist would take you as someone promiscuous, self-hating, or immoral.
But here’s the grounding truth: affirming therapy isn’t about fitting into a “correct” identity or belief system. It’s about understanding your internal world — even when it’s messy, contradictory, or unresolved. Being human is so layered and complex that in fact, you can be LGBTQ+ and still feel attached to religion, or you can be sex-positive and still feel deep shame about certain experiences.
By understanding the intention of affirming-therapy first will ease you into conversations with your therapist. And a good affirming therapist isn’t there to rank your beliefs – they’re there to help you explore where those beliefs came from and how they affect your well-being.
3. Use Your Boundaries To Help Your Journey
A lot of people think that if they don’t share everything at once, they’re “doing therapy wrong.” That’s simply not true. Therapy is not about the destination, but about the journey. This means that you’re allowed to tell your therapist, “I don’t want to go into details yet”, “Can we talk about this generally first?” or “I might stop sharing if it gets overwhelming”. And all this is perfectly okay.
Boundaries don’t block progress — they support it. See, when you set limits, you’re teaching your nervous system that therapy is a place where you still have control. And that’s how it’s supposed to be. This is especially important if your shame comes from past experiences where your boundaries were ignored, dismissed, or violated.
Over time, as trust builds between you and your therapist, those boundaries often soften naturally and you’ll find yourself feeling comfortable to share about important subject matters. Always remember that you’re not required to “confess” anything before you’re ready.
4. There’s Nothing Wrong With Talking About Sex
Sex is one of the most common shame triggers in therapy. Heck, it’s even sometimes shameful to talk about it with our partners or friend groups! People worry their therapist will secretly judge their number of partners, kinks, lack of experience, fantasies, or sexual regrets.
Surprise: therapists hear everything. With their diverse clientele, most therapists actually listen to many different sex stories. And more importantly, they’re trained to understand sexual behaviour, whether it relates to culture, trauma, consent or emotional needs.
If sex feels hard to talk about, you can ease into it by sharing scenario-based questions first, before relating them back to your own personal thoughts or experiences. Over time, conversations should lead you to better understand how your sexual experiences intersect with safety, pleasure, boundaries, and self-worth.
After all, nothing is too embarrassing to be explored gently. And if you’re honest with yourself and your sexuality, you’ll end up feeling liberated exploring the topic with your therapist, instead of feeling ashamed.
5. Navigate Religion Without Feeling Invalidated
For many people in more conservative cultures, religion is deeply tied to family, morality, and belonging. Hence, talking about religious conflict in affirming therapy can bring fears like having their faith dismissed, being more confused about the intersection of religion and other identities, or being seen as “weak”.
An affirming therapist shouldn’t force you to choose between faith and identity. Instead, they should help you unpack how religion shows up in your life — where it supports you, where it hurts, and where it feels confusing. Religion is a deeply sensitive topic to discuss with anyone, so the right therapist will know how to intricate that carefully to make you feel better.
On the contrary, the biggest red flag in a therapist is if they ever preach or advocate a religion onto you. If that’s the case, then the first step is to recognise that as non-affirming, and seek out alternatives ASAP.
You Don’t Have To Be Brave All At Once During Therapy
Affirming therapy isn’t about being fearless and sharing everything. It’s about being honest enough, in small steps, over time.
If you’re scared your therapist will judge you for your sexual history, religious conflicts, or any matter at all, then it’s time to work on overcoming this fear. Manage it by remembering that you don’t have to spill everything in one session, nor do you have to always be confident, articulate, or fully ready. You just meet yourself at where you’re at mentally and emotionally, and be honest.
If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual identity or coming out, A Space Between provides a safe environment for support with queer-friendly counsellors. Besides being a resource for help or navigating the challenge of coming out, A Space Between also shares advice on therapy and LGBTQ+ issues through online blog articles, as well as holding community events.
