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This March, we commemorate International Women’s Day, and the amazing women who have supported us through our lives. An underappreciated hero in most of our lives is our mums — and the hard and heart work they’ve put into raising us. Yet, there is so much that they do which goes underappreciated and unseen… and sometimes, this invisible labour is at the cost of their own physical and mental health as well.
In this article, we explore the various invisible mental and emotional burdens that mothers have to bear, and the stressors on their health that result from it. Through bringing these issues to light, we hope to encourage women to seek help if they need, and remember to prioritise themselves.
What is Invisible Labour?
Invisible work (or invisible labour) is a term coined to describe work that goes unseen and unacknowledged, despite its important role in supporting communities. It was coined by sociologist Arlene Kaplan Daniels in 1986 to describe how women’s work was often devalued, particularly in relation to unpaid work done at home.
Common examples of invisible labour can be housework done at home, caregiving duties for one’s family, or providing emotional support and assurance to a crying child or an upset partner. Typically, the burden of this invisible labour falls upon women and mothers in a familial unit.
Invisible labour is also something that does occur outside of the household; sociologists have written about how women employees tend to bear this. For example: having to play a more nurturing role during office communications.
As its name suggests, the issue with invisible labour is that it often goes unnoticed and thus, unappreciated. This implies that all this work that the individual (and usually, women) perform isn’t valued; even though it’s essential to the smooth running of one’s family or workplace.
Physical and Emotional Toll of Invisible Labour
Especially, when we discuss the invisible labour that mothers perform, they may be expected to do a variety of tasks that doesn’t get explicitly called out: from having to make most of the decisions when it comes to household groceries to organising the household’s schedule and important dates.
Mothers bear a huge portion of these responsibilities. Research shows women bear more of the responsibility when it comes to managing the household in heterosexual relationships; and this is even more extreme when the couple has children. This can take a toll on their emotional and physical health.
Firstly, there is the cognitive labour that mothers have to perform. Constantly keeping track of what their child needs or what the household requires to planning the meals that they’re typically responsible for to re-organising their schedules to ensure they can make important dates – there is significant cognitive energy that mothers need to expend, in order to ensure their children and partners feel cared for.
Secondly, given with the way that the societal roles of mothers have been perpetuated, mothers have to bear the emotional labour of looking after the emotions of everyone in their household. They tend to play the role of mediator, soothing any unhappiness that their children may feel or being a listening ear for their partner’s frustrations.
Additionally, research shows that mothers constantly feel like they’re not doing enough for their children. Media depictions exacerbate this, showing idealised versions of motherhood; and furthering the narrative that mothers should give up their lives for their children, and be happy with it. This guilt of not being enough may be doubled if a woman is also working, as she may feel guilt around not being there for her child; or finding it difficult to balance her career ambitions with her family.
All of this can culminate into intense stress and burnout, if left unchecked or if she’s feeling unsupported by her partner or loved ones. Long-term stress can also manifest as physical symptoms, including insomnia, exhaustion, or drastic changes in weight.
Strategies to Seek and Provide Support to Mothers
Alleviating this invisible burden can’t happen overnight, particularly given how the stereotyped responsibilities of mothers are entrenched in our society. However, there are actions we can take – whether it’s as individuals in the household, or for mothers, or in society – that we can help to do to help support mothers with their mental health.
Practice Open Communication & Setting Boundaries
Balancing the load of household responsibilities may require more proactive communication between a couple. Despite this seeming like more emotional burden at the start for mothers, it’s important to communicate firmly what additional help one may require; and setting clear boundaries in terms of what one is able to manage.
As the other members of the household, keep an open mind during such conversations. Rather than feeling attacked – especially if you’re being called out on your lack of contribution – practice empathy; and remember, the nature of invisible labour means it’s unseen, and you may not have even realised how much work goes into running a household.
Find Social Support
Society tells mothers they should be grateful to labour for their family. As such, it may feel alienating if one is feeling disgruntled or unhappy with how much responsibilities they have to bear. However, these feelings are more common amongst mothers than one realises – it’s simply that most mothers tend to not voice out these feelings, wary of societal judgement.
Storing up these feelings can be counterproductive to one’s mental health, as frustrations may build into something more severe. Whether it’s confiding in one’s trusted loved ones or looking for a support group of mothers, sharing one’s thoughts and emotions can help with managing some of that emotional toll.
Seek Help
Lastly, professional support can be effective. This could either look like going for individual counselling sessions to get help with managing one’s mental health or emotional struggles; or going for therapy sessions as a couple to learn more balanced, productive ways of running a household together.
Whether you’re looking for individual sessions or couple’s therapy, reach out to our counsellors at A Space Between to make an appointment.
References
- https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2023/03/counting-invisible-work-in-household-division-of-labor/
- https://www.jstor.org/stable/800538
- https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20240313-invisible-emotional-labour-women-in-workplace
- https://www.momwell.com/blog/breaking-away-from-the-invisible-load-of-motherhood
- https://www.psychedmommy.com/blog/invisible-load-motherhood
- https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210518-the-hidden-load-how-thinking-of-everything-holds-mums-back
- https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/invisible-labor-breaking-moms-unequal-194215184.html
- https://www.momwell.com/blog/carrying-the-mental-load-how-to-redistribute-the-burden-and-give-moms-more-freedom
- https://www.imom.com/managing-the-load-of-motherhood/
- https://publicexchange.usc.edu/the-invisible-workload/
- https://www.voxmentalhealth.com/blogs/the-hidden-mental-load-of-motherhood-and-its-impact-on-mental-health
- https://maternalmentalhealthalliance.org/about-maternal-mental-health/support-mums-and-families/
- https://www.sma.org.sg/news/2024/March/Building-a-Strong-Village-to-Support-Mothers
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/well-read/202406/supporting-mothers-mental-health
