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The start of a new year always comes with that familiar mix of hope, pressure, and “should I reinvent my whole life?” energy. You spend so much time on making a resolution, only for you to not achieve it. For LGBTQ individuals, that feeling can be even more layered. While straight, cisgender friends might be setting fitness goals or career resolutions, many queer folks are quietly carrying heavier questions: “Am I okay the way I am?”, “Why does self-acceptance still feel so hard?”, “When will I finally feel comfortable in my own skin?”.
In Singapore where conversations around LGBTQ identities are slowly opening up but still heavily influenced by conservative norms, family expectations, and workplace realities, self-acceptance isn’t something that just happens overnight. It’s often a gradual process that can be challenging, uncomfortable and deeply personal.
So instead of “new year, new me,” maybe this is your year to be “new year, more me”. Here are three meaningful, realistic things LGBTQ individuals can do to become more accepting and comfortable with their identities.
1. Give Yourself Permission To Unlearn Internalised Shame
Let’s start with something that doesn’t get talked about enough: internalised shame. Even if you’re out, supportive of other LGBTQ people, and generally confident, there’s a good chance you’ve still absorbed some negative beliefs about queerness along the way. Whether it’s suppressing your queer interests, or hiding your relationship in public, these are all instances that contribute to inner shame. I myself am guilty of deepening my tone of voice when speaking with straight male friends when I was younger, or denying that I’ve watched an episode of Rupaul’s Drag Race when questioned in a group of colleagues.
Over time, these messages can quietly turn into self-policing thoughts, such as thinking you’re being too much or if you should tone yourself down. Unlearning these beliefs is not simple or easy, but they are necessary if you want to be more honest with yourself and your identity.
Becoming more accepting of your identity often starts with noticing these thoughts without judging yourself for having them. Give yourself the chance to ask yourself why you have these thoughts to begin with, and whether it truly matters in the grand scheme of your life.
Unlearning shame isn’t about suddenly being loud and proud if that doesn’t feel safe or authentic. It’s about recognising that there is nothing inherently wrong, selfish, or inconvenient about being who you authentically are. In the new year, lead your thoughts and actions by a simple belief: being kind to yourself.
2. Consider Affirming Therapy As A Space To Explore Yourself
Therapy has come a long way in Singapore, but many LGBTQ individuals still hesitate. Some worry it’s too expensive, others fear judgment, and many think they can copy by themselves without the need for it.
Here’s the thing: affirming therapy isn’t about fixing you. It’s about giving you a space where your identity is not questioned or treated as a “phase.”
An LGBTQ-affirming therapist understands that your struggles don’t exist in a vacuum or void. They are able to recognise how things like family pressure, religion, cultural expectations, workplace norms, and even housing policies can affect how safe you feel being yourself. You don’t have to explain or justify your identity – you simply just be who you are.
The truth is, therapy has many long-term benefits for LGBTQ individuals. From helping you unpack internalised homophobia or transphobia, to navigating coming out and processing relationships, it can make a world of difference in your life.
And don’t worry – if cost is a concern, there are therapists in Singapore who offer sliding scale fees, online sessions, or community-based support. The rise of teletherapy has also made it easier to access affirming professionals even beyond Singapore, while still being mindful of cultural context.
Choosing therapy isn’t a sign you’re struggling — it’s often a sign you’re choosing to love yourself.
3. Redefine What “Being Comfortable” Actually Looks Like For You
One of the biggest traps LGBTQ individuals fall into is thinking there’s a single “right” way to be comfortable with your identity. Social media doesn’t help — it often presents confidence as being outspoken and hyper-visible. But the truth is, identifying as queer is different for everyone.
For some, being comfortable means coming out to family and correcting people when they misgender you. For others, it means quietly knowing who you are, even if not everyone else does.
Sometimes becoming more comfortable isn’t about changing yourself — it’s more so about changing your environment. That might look like finding LGBTQ-friendly social spaces or interest groups, setting small boundaries like not engaging in conversations that feel invalidating, or allowing yourself to explore or outgrow labels you may put on yourself.
Growing older and more mature, you may realise that identity shifts with age, relationships, and life stages. Being accepting of yourself includes accepting that uncertainty is part of the process. As long as you live honestly, it will aid your journey towards genuine happiness.
A Gentle Reminder As You Enter A New Year
Becoming more accepting and comfortable with your LGBTQ identity isn’t a New Year’s resolution you tick off by a certain date. Instead, it’s a relationship you build with yourself over time step by step.
Some days, acceptance will feel easy. Other days, old fears and doubts will resurface. And that’s okay. It just means you’re human, living in a world that still doesn’t always make space for difference.
Whether your goal this year is starting affirming therapy to learn more about yourself, or coming out to your loved ones, always remember that every decision you make in your journey counts for something.
So here’s to a new year that isn’t about becoming someone else, but about slowly, gently coming home to who you already are.
If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual identity or coming out, A Space Between provides a safe environment for support with queer-friendly counsellors. Besides being a resource for help or navigating the challenge of coming out, A Space Between also shares advice on therapy and LGBTQ+ issues through online blog articles, as well as holding community events.
