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Don’t worry, be happy! – you’ve probably heard this phrase countless times while growing up, and may even have parroted it to your own friends and family, when they were complaining about work or a challenge they’re facing. Positive thinking is indeed an important skill we need to develop, especially as it’s a core part of having a growth mindset. However, being too positive can have its dark sides as well.
In this article, we explore the dangers of toxic positivity, the ill effects that it has on our mental health and wellbeing, and what we can do to adopt a healthy attitude towards positivity.
What is Toxic Positivity?
Being positive and staying optimistic can be a strength, particularly when you’re going through hard times. Studies have shown that positive thinking practices, such as being mindful and practising gratitude, can help individuals cope better with challenges and stress that comes their way.
In that case – when does positivity become too much?
While it may be a murky grey line (depending on the individual), the boundary between healthy positivity and toxic positivity is when one only looks on the bright side and refuses to acknowledge the presence of negative emotions.
An example of such could be when a friend says “Good vibes only!” when you’re trying to share about a particularly challenging period that you’re going through. Positivity becomes toxic when the individual refuses to recognise the negative emotions in a situation, and suppresses it instead.
Signs of toxic positivity include:
- Dismissing problems instead of facing them
- Hiding one’s true emotions, particularly if they’re sadness or anger, behind positive sayings
- Feeling guilty about experiencing negative emotions or having gloomy thoughts
Why is Toxic Positivity harmful?
When we’re going through a hard time, it’s natural to wish that we can immediately skip to the ‘good part’, where we’re feeling better. However, negative emotions are part and parcel of the human existence – and wishing we would be able to get rid of them would diminish the life we’re leading.
On a less philosophical note, toxic positivity is harmful because it typically leads to the suppression of our emotions. Rather than letting ourselves feel the full extent of our emotions (and through it, confront what we’re dealing with head on), we end up squashing down these difficult feelings and pretending to be happy instead. In the long term, denying our feelings can only lead to longer trauma; and may even backfire, and result in us feeling even worse than before.
Additionally, when we avoid confronting what’s causing us grief, we deny ourselves the opportunity to learn and grow from it. Individuals who practice toxic positivity tend to avoid emotional situations that make them uncomfortable – and this suppresses our own emotional growth as individuals.
Toxic positivity is also harmful if we’re unintentionally demonstrating such behaviours to our friends, when they’re in need of support. It can make the person on the receiving end feel like they’re not being heard’; or worse, it may make them feel guilty about the negative emotions they’re feeling, leading to unresolved conflict and emotions.
How can we practise Healthy Positivity?
It’s unlikely that someone is intentionally practising toxic positivity. Rather, such behaviours may be the result of the individual internalising the idea that positivity is good, and taking it to the extreme. Understanding the line between healthy and toxic positivity is already a good start, in ensuring that you practise positive thinking in a healthy and productive way.
Embrace your negative emotions
In the spirit of the saying ‘It’s okay to be not okay’, acknowledge the existence of your negative emotions. Know that it’s perfectly fine to feel upset or anxious about whatever situation you’re in, whether it’s about a failing grade or a bad break-up. After all, it’s not realistic to be fine about everything life throws your way.
What is then equally important is: learning how to manage these negative emotions in a healthy and productive way. While you acknowledge the presence of such emotions, be mindful that you don’t let yourself be swept up by them either. It may take a little practice, particularly if you’re new to mindfulness; learn to acknowledge your emotions, feel them for what they are, and then let them go.
Understand how you feel
You may be unknowingly consuming content that cultivates an attitude of toxic positivity. Try to cultivate an awareness of how different types of media make you feel after you’ve consumed them.
For example, to start with, you can take a look at the list of social media accounts you’re following. Are there any Instagram influencers whose captions read overly positive, or who make you feel bad about having less-than-perfect emotions? You don’t have to immediately unfollow them (although a social media detox is always a good thing) – however, it’s good to be aware of how these accounts and media types make you feel, so you can be on guard, so to speak, in the future.
Get support from a professional
It can be difficult to process our emotions in a healthy way if we’re going through a particularly challenging or traumatic event. It’s easy to see why toxic positive sayings can be tempting in such situations, because we want ‘an easy way out’ to feel better.
However, we have to do the emotional work in order to grow and get better, in a way that is sustainable. Speaking to a mental health professional is one such way; as you learn effective ways of managing your emotions and techniques to protect your mental health, without relying on false positive sayings.
You can start by finding a therapist at A Space Between and setting up an appointment. It may be a rocky journey at the start, but we’re here to walk with you, towards better mental health.
- https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-positivity-5093958
- https://www.aia.com/en/health-wellness/healthy-living/healthy-mind/Toxic-positivity-mental-health
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/toxic-positivity
- https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/toxic-positivity
- https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/toxic-positivity-during-the-pandemic
- https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/staying-positive-during-difficult-times-2020100121047
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202201/how-positivity-can-turn-toxic
- https://psychcentral.com/health/mindfulness-of-emotions
