The Mask of Happiness: Why People Hide Their True Feelings

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There are many reasons why we may hide our feelings: not wanting to cause a fuss for our loved ones, feeling embarrassed of our emotions or the situation, or simply not wanting to get into a conversation about what we’re feeling with the person who’s asking. While it isn’t always wrong to mask our emotions, particularly depending on the social situation, suppressing our true feelings may also exacerbate our negative feelings.

This may be a larger issue if an individual hides their inner turmoil, and darker and more negative thoughts. The term ‘smiling depression’ (or hidden depression) loosely describes individuals who put on a happy exterior, despite their feelings of depression (or in more severe instances, suicidal ideation).

This article will explore the reasons for why someone may not want to hide these feelings; and more importantly, signs of ‘smiling depression’ that we can look out for in our friends and loved ones, and how we can support them.

Why do we hide our feelings?

Conversations around mental health have definitely opened up in the past few years, with nearly 8 in 10 Singaporeans thinking their mental health is as important as their physical health, according to a survey in October 2023.

However, while it may be easier to talk about stress and dealing with burnout, topics that touch on depression or suicidal ideation may still seem taboo and harder to bring up.

Fear of being judged

Sharing our feelings can be a terrifying experience, especially if they’re not positive thoughts that we’re experiencing. The fear of being judged for what we’re feeling can be a huge mental barrier to being honest about our emotions, even if we want to share with our loved ones.

Additionally, if one is already in a low mood, negative self-talk may compound this fear of judgement, and make it even harder to initiate the conversation or be truthful about the feelings we have.

Societal pressures

It can be harder for certain individuals to be open about their feelings, if they feel that there are certain societal expectations that they should abide by. For example, because of gender stereotypes in society, men may find it harder to speak about their true feelings; due to the misguided expectation that men are supposed to be stoic and strong.

One may also feel like they’re unduly burdening their loved ones by confessing to what they’re actually feeling, particularly if they’re in a role which requires them to care for others (such as parents with children).

Individual’s defence mechanism

Avoidance of the issue may also be another reason why someone may hide their feelings. This could be a way they want to protect themselves, by refusing to admit the depth of the negative feelings they’re facing or the intensity of their thoughts.

By denying and suppressing these emotions, it may give the individual the feeling of control over the situation… but this is neither a healthy nor productive way of dealing with such thoughts, and may even lead to an exacerbation of their emotions in the long run.

Recognising the signs

Knowing the signs of someone experiencing smiling depression can help you to provide support to those around you, if you notice anything different with your loved ones. Signs of depression include:

Apathy or a lack of interest and pleasure in activities that the individuals once enjoyed
Increased negative self-talk and sadness that persists for more than 2 weeks
Changes in sleep patterns and appetite
Changes in the individual’s energy levels, such as increased lethargy

Hidden depression may appear differently, as the individual may be trying to conceal what they’re experiencing. Individuals with smiling depression may still appear high-functioning, even successful, in daily life. A few other signs that may indicate something could be amiss include:

Slight changes in the individual’s personality, such as being a bit more withdrawn than usual
Distancing themselves from social interaction, or withdrawing more from conversations
Forced happiness or if they seem like they’re attempting too hard to seem positive

Ways to provide support

For loved ones whom you may suspect could be suffering from smiling depression, it’s important that you show that you’re there for them; and be a comforting presence by their side. These are a few ways that you can provide support for them, and let them know that you’re there for them.

Create a safe space for conversation

Reach out to them and let them know that you’re by their side, should they want to talk about anything that’s bothering them. Depending on your relationship with them (and your understanding of your loved one), you may not want to bring up your concerns around their mental health directly. Rather, assure them of your ability to hold a safe space for them, should they ever want to talk about anything.

Practise active listening if your loved one does confide in you, ensuring that you listen without any judgement nor unsolicited advice. It’s more important that they feel comfort and assurance of your presence, rather than offering up any ‘correct answers’ on what to do.

Ensure they’re still socially connected

Sometimes, depression may manifest in a person pulling away from their friend group, and result in social withdrawal. Support your loved one by helping them continue to stay connected with their social groups; continue to extend invitations to gatherings, to let them know that their presence is cherished and loved.

You can also suggest activities that may be more lowkey, such as a simple coffee between the two of you or a short walk in a nearby park, that require less energy to commit to.

Encourage them to seek professional support

Lastly, try to encourage them to speak to a therapist or counsellor, if you find that their mental health isn’t improving; however, be mindful of not being overly pushy when you’re suggesting this. You may also offer to accompany your loved one to their first therapy session, if they’re not keen on going alone.

Our team of qualified mental health professionals are here to support you and your loved ones. Connect with us anytime should you need assistance; we’re ready to walk the journey towards better mental health together.

References

Written by Em Tang

An experienced health & wellness writer, I am a story-teller at heart. For me, writing is a way of weaving together the little details that make our existence meaningful and significant into a beautiful, larger story.

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The Mask of Happiness: Why People Hide Their True Feelings