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While society in Singapore is gradually becoming more open-minded and progressive, there’s still miles to go before the LGBTQ+ community can be authentically and 100% themselves without hesitation.
Sometimes on a rough day, it’s the offhand joke in the pantry, the HR form that still asks for “Mr/Ms” only, or the struggle of deciding how much to share about your weekend or your partner. Do you really want to tell your colleagues you were at the club two nights ago dancing to Lady Gaga? The truth is many of us are still navigating environments where inclusion is a work-in-progress, and the emotional labour can be real.
We spoke to three Singaporeans in different industries—marketing, healthcare, and finance—about what helps them cope with their awkward situations and uncomfortable scenarios related to discrimination at the workplace.
These are not “one-size-fits-all” solutions, but these practical methods shared help make the day-to-day a little more manageable. Whether you’re fully out at work, quietly out to a few trusted colleagues, or keeping things private for now, there’s something here you’re bound to be able to adapt to.
“I’m awkward when my colleagues ask “Got boyfriend?”” – Wei Ling, 29, Marketing Executive
As a marketing exec in a creative agency, after-hours drinks and client dinners can be part of the job. For Wei Ling, the challenge wasn’t the socialising; it was the constant decisions around disclosure. “Every time someone asks ‘Got boyfriend?’ I feel like I have to choose between awkward honesty or a white lie,” she says. “It’s exhausting to edit yourself.”
Her coping method was to set clear, kind boundaries, then sticking to them. “I decided what I was comfortable sharing and prepared a few neutral phrases. If someone asked about my personal life, I’d say, ‘I keep things private but thanks for asking!’ If I sensed genuine interest and safety, I’d share more.” She also created “containers” for work and personal life: work WhatsApp chats muted after 7pm, no following colleagues on private socials, and a rule to leave events by 10pm to protect sleep and sanity.
Another crucial shift was moving from “performing” to “positioning.” Instead of overexplaining, she directed energy towards her strengths—strategy and storytelling. “I realised I don’t owe anyone an explanation about my identity. A job is a job. I only owe myself a healthy workday.” She also channels her advocacy for what she can control, such as inclusive language in campaigns, diverse casting for shoots, and gently educating colleagues when stereotypes pop up”
“I choose my privacy” – Nurul, 27, Healthcare Professional
Working in a patient-facing role, Nurul (they/them) is on the receiving of assumptions every day – from both colleagues and patients. “People mean well, but they used to say things like, ‘Are you a boy or girl’ or misuse my pronouns. “Some even try to educate me to be more “girly”, and I burn out fast”.
The shift came when Nurul reframed their effort. “I can’t overhaul culture overnight, but I can create micro-safe spaces for myself.” With their manager’s help, they started a team huddle to form better communication between them and their colleagues. “It’s not a big training, but just a line helped shift perspectives: ‘Let’s try to ask how people want to be addressed.’ Thankful, it worked. Nurul’s colleagues started being more careful of addressing them, and became even more protective and researched further on using pronouns correctly.
For personal resilience, Nurul leaned into therapy and mindfulness – not to “fix” themselves, but to manage stress. “I learned to track my stress signals – tight chest, racing thoughts – and excuse myself for a brief breathing break. A 3-minute breathing exercise I do helps prevent them from spiralling, and they also gave themselves permission not to disclose in certain contexts. “I’m still valid even when I choose privacy. Safety first.”
“Career strategy is a coping strategy” – Marcus, 41, Financial Advisor
As a single man in his 40s, Marcus is no stranger to rumours about his sexuality from peers in the finance industry. He spent years in environments surrounded by straight males who would make “gay” jokes or chauvinistic comments, to which he would shrug or laugh them off. He considered leaving the industry many times but chose another route – creating a career that suited his identity.
He shares intently how he mapped three factors he could control: role, team, and employer. Role-wise, he pivoted from a heavy client-entertainment portfolio to risk and controls, where performance was clearer and social politics mattered less. Team-wise, he asked to be placed under a manager known for fairness and structure. Employer-wise, he started prioritising firms with public commitments to inclusion in their policies, training, and leadership accountability. It took a while, but Marcus is finally happy at where he is in his career.
Inside his team, Marcus set norms around professionalism as well. “I don’t laugh off ‘jokes.’ I say, ‘This is not appropriate,’ and move on.” He also mentors younger LGBTQ+ colleagues. “When you have a bit of seniority, it’s important to set the standard.” And yes, he still networks, but on his terms. “I prefer meetings over morning coffees over late-night drinks. And if the topic veers into my personal life that I’m not comfortable sharing, I bring the conversation back to work.”
Creating safe spaces at work is important
From these stories, it’s easy to realise that coping at work isn’t about shrinking yourself; it’s about designing ways to have less fear and more focus. For Wei Ling, Nurl and Marcus, they’ve found ways to make their identity and work co-exist.
Will these methods fix every challenge? Maybe not. But they can give you inspiration on how to steady yourself in the working world. After all, your career shouldn’t be a constant act of bracing for impact. Instead, it should be a safe space where you get to improve on skills and where your contributions get to shine.
If you’re ever feeling alone in your journey of navigating identity and career, here’s your reminder: you’re not. Many people out there are figuring this out in real time too. Until then, let’s remember to keep each other safer, smarter, and steadier at the workplace and beyond.
If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual identity or coming out, A Space Between provides a safe environment for support with queer-friendly counsellors. Besides being a resource for help or navigating the challenge of coming out, A Space Between also shares advice on therapy and LGBTQ+ issues through online blog articles, as well as holding community events.
*All responses have been edited for clarity and brevity
*Names have been altered for confidentiality purposes
