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Before you confuse therapy for LGBTQ+ individuals as “conversion therapy”, stop right there. No, we’re not referring to that. Instead, therapy can be a very safe and consoling place for the queer community to navigate their lives.
If you’ve ever wondered what actually happens when an LGBTQ+ person walks into therapy, or if you’re weighing whether to look for an “affirming” therapist in Singapore for yourself, read ahead to discover answers to questions you might have wondered about. From what “affirming” really means, to how to find the right therapist for specific needs, this guide will serve as a companion in your journey, while also sharing why it matters so much here in Singapore.
What “affirming therapy” really means
“Affirming” is a word that may get used a lot, but what does it really mean? An affirming therapist should not be “tolerating” their LGBTQ+ clients — instead, they should actively recognise, validate, and work with different gender identities and sexual orientations as legitimate and important parts of who their clients are.
That means they won’t try to “fix” anything. They’ll use chosen names and pronouns without hesitation, and be aware of the specific stresses queer people face, whether they are family reactions, workplace microaggressions or dating and intimacy anxiety. Ideally, they should also understand how identity intersects with race, religion, class, and culture — which is particularly important in Singapore’s multiracial, religiously diverse context.
Affirming therapy also includes humility and self-awareness. A therapist who can be honest and say “I don’t know that answer” but is willing to learn and research, is better than one who pretends to be an expert on the topic based on their own assumptions. In short, affirming means being respectful, knowledgeable, nonjudgmental, and curious.
How to find the right “affirming” therapist
Ironically, finding the right therapist is almost like dating to find the right partner. In Singapore, you can look through clinic websites, therapist directories, or ask in community groups for recommendations. But when you shortlist or look at a profile, scan for green-flag signals, such as: mention of LGBTQ+ clients, training in gender/sexuality issues, use of inclusive language, or listed pronouns. Don’t simply fall for marketing, reach out and ask to clarify any doubts you might have.
Some questions you can consider to ask when you contact a therapist:
- Have you worked with queer clients?
- How comfortable are you discussing gender/sexuality?
- What are your views on conversion practices? (A clear “I don’t support conversion efforts” is a green flag!)
- What modes of therapy practice do you do? (a short check-in lets you gauge tone and responsiveness.
Like dating, chemistry with your therapist matters. You might click instantly, or it might not feel safe at first — both are fine. Always remember that good therapists expect that and will support you in finding a better match if they’re not right for you.
How the first few sessions might go
Affirming therapy often starts with a lot of listening. The first sessions are typically about building rapport, understanding your immediate concerns, and mapping out goals together. A good therapist will ask about your identity history, but not pry or seem kaypoh — the aim is to understand how your identity shows up in your day-to-day life.
Expect basic ground rules to be set early too, regarding confidentiality, session frequency, cancellation policies, and what to do in crisis. In Singapore, confidentiality is treated seriously, but therapists will also explain limits (e.g., if there’s imminent risk of harm). They’ll also clarify documentation and billing so you shouldn’t get blindsided at any stage.
Beyond safety, an affirming therapist will check in about language with you at the start. For example, how you want to be addressed, whether there are family names or cultural dynamics to respect, and whether there are religious or communal pressures that affect disclosure. This is where cultural competence is absolutely integral — a therapist who has thought about LGBTQ+ life in Singapore would understand how filial piety, religious communities, or housing rules are all factors that can shape lifestyle choices, and not judge.
Affirming Therapy in practice
Therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation. It should be customised for each individual. For LGBTQ+ clients, common themes can include the following:
- Processing minority stress and internalised stigma. Therapists can help you separate what the world tells you about yourself from who you actually are, and work through shame or self-blame that might have built up over years.
- Navigating relationships and disclosure. Whether you’re thinking about coming out to family, planning how to date the same-sex, or wanting help with a partner conflict, therapy is a space for real-life conversations.
- Grief and identity losses. Sometimes affirming therapy addresses losses too. Whether it’s the loss of family approval or expected futures, it’s a space that can help you mourn and move forward.
- Skills for anxiety and emotion regulation. Practical techniques from therapy can be shared to assist clients so that they have practical tools on bad days.
- Reconnecting with joy and community. Therapy isn’t only about fixing problems — it can be about rediscovering happiness, building queer friendships, and creating fulfillment in life.
Sometimes, therapists may also give “real-world experiments” as homework — where you’re tasked between sessions to test out new ways of being. This may come in the form of introducing yourself with your real pronouns at work, drafting a script for a difficult talk, or scheduling a social activity in queer spaces to get out of your comfort zone. These are never mandatory, and should be aligned with your comfortability level.
What to do when therapy isn’t affirming
The cold truth is that not all therapists are a good fit. Red flags include dismissive language about queer identities, pathologising statements, trying to change your orientation, or consistently centering their own cultural assumptions in ways that erase yours.
If you encounter this, you’re allowed to say so — a truly affirming therapist will listen and correct their course. If that doesn’t happen, the answer is clear. Seek help from someone else. Good therapy communities and queer groups in Singapore can help with referrals.
How to know if therapy is working, and why does it matter?
Therapy doesn’t necessarily mean instant success. It’s a gradual process that might only see results over time. You might notice fewer panic attacks, better sleep, clearer boundaries in relationships, or simply the relief of being known. Some people measure progress by small, everyday things even, such as returning a text that used to ruin their day, or sitting through a family dinner without self-loathing. Small steps, but big wins. A good therapist will revisit goals with you and adapt approaches if something isn’t helping.
All these points are important because it changes the baseline: when your therapist views your identity as valid, it opens up treatment pathways that are healing rather than harmful. In Singapore, where strict cultural expectations and legal ambiguities can increase isolation, having an expert and a confidant who understands the local context can truly be a lifeline. It’s not just about surviving stigma; it’s about building a life where your identity is a source of strength rather than ongoing pain.
Identifying affirming therapy is important for LGBTQ+ community
At the end of the day, therapy is collaborative. You are the decision maker when it comes to choosing whether to keep a therapist, what to share, and what goals to set. In turn, your therapist should support and respect your pace, and help you develop tools to live more authentically.
If you’re in Singapore and looking for help, trust your instincts, ask direct questions about LGBTQ+ experience, and remember — finding the right fit might take a little time, but the right therapeutic relationship can be transformative.
If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual identity or coming out, A Space Between provides a safe environment for support with queer-friendly counsellors. Besides being a resource for help or navigating the challenge of coming out, A Space Between also shares advice on therapy and LGBTQ+ issues through online blog articles, as well as holding community events.
