When to Consider Couples Therapy: Benefits and What to Expect

Most romantic movies end up a ‘happily ever after’, with the couple sailing off into everlasting bliss. Unfortunately, this fade-to-black doesn’t happen in real life. While finding a partner often seems like the goal, sustaining a relationship and ensuring it lasts still requires hard work and effort. 

Whether a relationship is smooth sailing or if it appears to be heading towards turbulent waters, couples therapy and counselling can be helpful for anyone. Read on to learn when you may want to consider going for couples therapy, and what to expect during these sessions; to help strengthen your relationship.

Benefits of couples therapy

Couples therapy and counselling can help you to learn how to manage disagreements in a productive and effective way, so that it strengthens and not lessens your relationship. While it’s more common for couples who are facing issues to decide to go for relationship counselling, therapy can actually be beneficial for any couple, who wants to have a deeper understanding of each other and how to improve their dynamics.

There may be topics that are harder to discuss when it’s just between the two of you, particularly if they touch on particularly sensitive or emotive issues. Think of your counselor as an impartial figure who can provide a clear-eyed perspective on the topic, and help to facilitate the conversation, so that you may be able to approach it in a more neutral and even environment.

Benefits of therapy include:

• Improving communication: As an outsider to your relationship, a counsellor presents an external perspective to your dynamics. They help to cut through the clutter of emotional baggage that you or your partner may unintentionally be holding; so that you’re able to overcome any communication barriers that you may be facing.
• Managing conflict: Unfortunately, conflict is inescapable, no matter how close you are with your partner. What’s important, then, is learning how to manage conflict in a way that preserves the strength of your relationship; and that’s what the counsellor is there to teach you to do. They can help to steer an argument towards a more productive angle for resolution; as well as provide you and your partner with tips on how to manage future sources of conflict, so that you’re able to have difficult conversations, without feeling attacked personally. 
• Improving intimacy: A counsellor may also help to improve intimacy between you and your partner, particularly if that’s something that either of you may be struggling to get across. The counsellor’s office is a neutral and safe space; and your counsellor is trained to help you navigate this.

According to the American Association of Marriage and Family’s research, over 97% of couples they surveyed thought they had received the help they needed through couples counselling. A large majority also felt that therapy gave them tools to better manage and overcome conflict in their relationship.

Signs that you should consider couples therapy

While couples therapy can help every couple, there are certain signs that your relationship could benefit more from going for counselling. These include:

• Having more frequent arguments that go unresolved: This is particularly so if you find that you’re having the same arguments over and over again, with nothing changing but the intensity of your argument. 
• Feeling like you’re unable to communicate with each other: Communication is the bedrock of all strong relationships; and feeling like you’ve a communication barrier between you and your partner may ultimately lead to harm in the long term.
• Facing intimacy issues: One of the signs of a relationship breaking down is a lack of physical intimacy. This could be an early indicator that something could be amiss, and that you could do with external support.
• Being unable to trust your partner or even instances of infidelity: Trust is crucial to any relationship; even worse if there are worries about infidelity (or if it had actually happened). This can be devastating for any relationship, and therapy can help a couple either repair and recover from this, or learn how to manage and move on.
• Considering a divorce or breakup: A ‘hail mary’ in a way, therapy can offer a couple on the brink of breakup an external perspective on how to resolve their existing issues or move past it.

Is couples therapy only for bad relationships?

There is often a negative stigma associated to couples therapy; particularly as we still wrongly tend to associate therapy with individuals who may be struggling with issues.

However, couples therapy can also be for couples who simply want to strengthen their relationship, and learn better ways of communicating with each other. It can definitely be a part of any healthy relationship; depending on what you’re seeking out of your sessions.

What to expect during your couples therapy session

While every therapy session may be different based on what your goals are, there are several things you can expect:

• Be ready to share: Your therapist will ask you to share about the history of your relationship, such as how you met, how long you’ve been together, and the various experiences you’ve had together. This may be difficult, depending on what stage your relationship is at; especially if you’re facing a hard time. You may even disagree with things that your partner says about your relationship. Both perspectives will give your therapist a better understanding of your dynamics; as well as identify what issues you may be facing. As such, it’s important to keep an open mind during the session.
• You may have ‘homework’ after the sessions: Work isn’t only done within the therapy room. Your therapist may give you assignments to work on in between your appointments, and this can be either individual ‘homework’ or couple exercises. As far as you can, put in the time to commit to these assignments; as it can help with the progress of your sessions.
• There could be separate sessions: Sometimes, your therapist may suggest separate sessions so that they can talk to you individually. These one-on-one sessions aren’t meant to divide you; but rather, it also gives you space to share issues you may not be comfortable saying in front of your partner. They’ll give your therapist more insight on your relationship; and will feed back into your main couple sessions and treatment approach.

It takes time

Most importantly, you should know that therapy isn’t a magic fix-all. It takes time for your relationship to recover – and only if you’re both willing to put in the work. Committing to the process is integral to how far you’ll progress, together as a couple.

If you and your partner are considering couples therapy, perhaps organise a session with our therapists at A Space Between. Take a look through our therapist directory, and reach out directly to arrange a consultation.

References

• https://www.talkspace.com/blog/signs-you-need-to-go-to-couples-therapy/
• https://talkyourheartout.com/the-7-benefits-of-marriage-counselling-in-singapore/
• https://advancedpsychiatryassociates.com/resources/blog/benefits-of-couples-therapy
• https://safespace.sg/why-has-couples-therapy-become-so-popular/
• https://northsidepsychology.com.au/7-signs-its-time-for-couples-therapy/
• https://www.firstsession.com/resources/couples-therapy-right-for-you
• https://www.theguardian.com/books/2024/jan/15/the-big-idea-is-couples-therapy-a-waste-of-time
• https://www.talkspace.com/blog/benefits-of-couples-therapy/
• https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/relationships/what-to-expect-in-couples-therapy
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/therapy/how-does-couples-therapy-work
• https://singaporelegaladvice.com/law-articles/what-to-expect-marriage-counselling-session-singapore/
• https://uktherapyguide.com/what-to-expect-from-couples-counselling